Today's contestant: The Tampa Bay Devil Rays!
What's that? They got a new logo? Oh, my bad.
What? They changed it again? And their name? Sorta?
Aww... it's the Devil Rays. They think they're in our division. How cute.
Now, you may recognize some of the legendary names that have come out of the (Devil?) Rays organization over the years. Names like: Julio Lugo, Fred McGriff, Jose Canseco, Aubrey Huff, and Greg Vaughn! It's no wonder Cooperstown is up to the rafters in Rays plaques.
And if you think that list of former players is something, take a look at their team now. You've got Carl Crawford, the damn Kazmir kid and Rocco Baldelli... that's it. Besides them, the entire roster is composed of either 20 year old prospects or some 30 year old dude they put behind the plate. What usually happens with the poor players with actual talent on this team is that they'll get to the show at about 21 and stick around until they're about 30 and realize they want a shot at a ring, or atleast not the last place in the division, or all of baseball.
The Rays play their home games at beautiful Tropicana Field, also known as Fenway II.
It's redeeming features include extreme cleanliness (they have no fans to get it messy), those damn catwalks that are always getting hit by balls and confusing the umps, that sweet-ass heckler, and of course Raymond, the mascot that appears to be half smurf, half walrus (koo koo ka choo).
The most wonderful sight you'll even see at Tropicana (other than Raymond running over a doll of Wally the Green Monster with a 4-wheeler), is when a foul ball or home run is hit to one of the obscure, cavernous, uninhabited regions of the park, and watching 20 year-old drunk guy chase a 12 year old kid for the ball across 9 sections. It's beautilful.
Possible new team names:
-Doormats
-AAA and a halfers
-Irwin Killers? Hell, it might get them some publicity for once.
Keywords: Being Bad At Baseball, Fred "Crime Dog" McGriff, Steve Irwin, Tampa Bay Devil Rays, Tampa Bay Rays, Tropicana Field
