ESPN Should Hire John Tomase

For those of you who have had your head in the clouds you may not have heard how John Tomase pulled a Dan Rather only rather then going after the most powerful man in United States politics, George W. Bush, he went after the most powerful professional sports franchise, the New England Patriots.

I wish I could say that this is an isolated incident but it is not. ESPN, the supposed on-air and on-line sports mecca, does this on an hourly basis. They have strayed so far from highlights and facts that they have now morphed into the sports world's version of the Enquirer or TMZ. This is being highlighted by the "SpyGate" coverage. These former players, these "professionals" are proving to be anything but. Mark Schlerith and Chris Carter sound like two sour, jealous, couch potatoes arguing over who's hotter Gisele or Heidi. Schlerith completely ignored the fact that he was part of a "mini-dynasty" whose coach, Mike Shanahan, was quoted in a Rick Reilly Sports Illustrated article as saying;

"Our guy keeps a pair of binoculars on their signal-callers every game... "With any luck, we have their defensive signals figured out by halftime. Sometimes, by the end of the first quarter." 

Granted this is not filming but it is still stealing signals and he is going a step further by saying they would have everything figured out by halftime. This insinuates that they use their newly found knowledge in their second half strategy. This is something that cannot be proven in the Patriots' "SpyGate" situation.

On top of it all this Broncos team was also the team that was fined twice for cheating the salary cap rules and is partly responsible for the banishment of androstindione. This is the same steroid-ette that Mark McGwire was scrutinized in 1998 for using during his quest to knock off Roger Maris. John Elway, Shannon Sharpe, and Bill Romanowski were running around with EAS Performance hats on 24-7.  

On top of it all this Bronco team also happened to be a bitter rival of the late 90s- early 00s Patriots. These teams did not like each other. Schlerith took that grudge to his post career on ESPN. His steroid pumping, salary cap cheating, signal stealing, butt-ugly uniform wearing Broncos got the better of the Pats back then but aren't touching their success now. Get over it Mark, use your expertise as a former NFL star to enhance ESPN's programming or grab a back pack and find Sean Salisbury on the open market.

As for Cris Carter he is so bitter that he never played a down in a Super Bowl in his illustrious career. Today on ESPN he made a comment about the Super Bowl. Quietly he mentioned that he never played in a Super Bowl, but "had friends who did." Basically he pulled a Chris Farley here. You may remember the scene in Billy Madison, when Sandler and all of the second graders are getting on the bus following a field trip and Farley, the bus driver, stops Sandler and says, "That Veronica Vaughn is one fine piece of ace...believe me I know." Farley actually didn't know from personal experience and most of his friends didn't have a chance at landing Veronica Vaughn, but "he heard." Enter Chris Carter, he never played in one, but some people that did told him...someone told him about it. Shut up Cris! The only thing Carter can comment on is catching touchdowns, because all he does "is catch touchdowns." Ask Berman.

That brings us full circle to John Tomase. I am going to hypothesize here. Tomase never stepped on any sort of playing field in his life. I am basing this on his Austin Powers' "Fat Bastard" body and McLovin face and glasses.  Tomase learned nothing from Boston media's Whitey Bulger, Ron Borges. Do not cross the Patriots! Being more serious, if you are going to be a super-sensationalist, then request an invitation to ESPN's "Around the Horn." Join those idiots in their nonsensical rants. Go banter with Woody Paige over what hurts more getting hit in the face with a slap shot or a fast ball. These guys know nothing about sports and blurt out incorrect stats and facts for a thirty minutes a day. Join em! Join Woody Paige who was quoted as saying yesterday that Sergio Garcia is the only golfer to win 16 tournaments before he turned 30. Yes he did say this folks. He must have forgot about that other guy named after an animal. 

See ya John!